I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
