Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
