Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
