Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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