I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
