Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
