I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
