awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
