i permit you to call me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
