I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
