My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
