I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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