the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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