I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
