I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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