I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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