I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
