Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
