I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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