dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
