The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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