May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
