Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
