after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You are a genius and a whore.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
