There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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