You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
