They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He shit in the fireplace
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
