I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
