I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
