nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
