FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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