I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
