You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
