mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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