you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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