hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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