He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
