I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
