I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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