Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
