take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
