I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
