1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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