i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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