How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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