If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
