i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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