dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
