Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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