Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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