Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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