Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
