My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
vagina is talking i cant
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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