Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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