Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
