We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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