I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
